I'm spending my Friday laughing...

you should too.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Steve Carell from Between Two Ferns

8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize NY is a Horrible Place to Live.


HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND!!

this is why I'll never be fashionable

I don't like stupid footwear. In fact, I loathe stupid footwear. Whose idea was this anyway??? Did some asshole fashion designer wake up one morning and think, "hmmm, I'd really like my toes to be exposed today, but would rather not let my ankles get chilly." And then they crapped out the idea for the "bandal" (a contraction I made up to describe the hideous boot-sandal pictured above) and somehow it caught on.

Whenever I see shoes like this, I start to feel the way my grandparents did when they saw me in my shredded jeans from A&F. Ya know, the ones that "yes, Grams, I did in fact buy this way."

"Where's the rest of your pants?" she'd inquire. Meanwhile, here I am believing that I'm "cool" and find myself asking the same question about the above. Where the fuck is the rest of your boot, stripper??

But I'm pretty sure these take the cake for dumb fucking ideas. Have you ever in your life wished that your flip flops came with leg warmers attached?! Nope? Me neither. And explain to me in what climate these shoes would be necessary?!? Honestly, If I'm wearing flip flops it's summer. If I'm wearing leg warmers, it's 1989.

I just want to be left alone with my collection of $2.50 flip flops from Old Navy. Ugh. At least it's almost Ugg season....

If this isn't motivation to hit the gym...

NY Metro: "Check out the moobs on that guy." While breast-enhancing surgery has become almost a norm for American women, men are also heading to the plastic surgeon’s office more often — to have their man-boobs (moobs) removed in a procedure referred to as gynecomastia. That fact shouldn’t be too surprising, considering that each year the obesity epidemic continues to grow.

I probably shouldn't be blogging about this on my lunch break 'cause it makes me wanna projectile vom across my keyboard like that chick in the Exorcist, but this article annoys me. First of all, if there's going to be an anatomical disparity between men and women (most notably that you guys have the luxury of a penis and the option to piss just about anywhere you want) then I think it's only fair that you leave the ability to grow tits to us chicks.

The solution? Plastic surgery of course! Rather than attack the man breast issue with diet and exercise, more and more men are going under the knife.

Well isn't it just like Americans to look for the easy way out? Heaven forbid you should eat Cheerios instead of the entire left side of the McDonald's breakfast menu. Or walk somewhere instead of squeezing our fat ass into the back seat of a cab. And would it kill you to spend 20 minutes on a fucking treadmill?

I'm also curious to know if these same big-breasted men are shitting hundred dollar bills?? Honestly, how are so many people paying for cosmetic surgeries in a recession?? I've eaten a box of Kraft mac&cheese every night this week for dinner just to be able to pay my cable bill. (I'm not pretending like I didn't enjoy the crap out of every bite, I'm just saying, it'd be nice to be able to afford a steak dinner every now and then or better yet, some lipo on my love handles.)

Man breasts AND a farmer's tan? SCORE!

Somehow I think chesticles are the least of this dude's issues.