Parenting Gone Wild

With consistently sunny skies and 60+ degree weather, the streets of Manhattan have recently been flooded with adorable canines wagging their tails, eagerly sniffing random crotches, loyally escorted by their owners...

Or should I say parents.

Yes, you heard correctly. Thanks to a new marketing campaign by PetSmart, people who choose to excessively pamper their four-legged friends are now being referred to as "parents" rather than "owners."

If I said I wasn't judging, I'd be lying.

Call me a traditionalist, but I think 'parenting' is a title that should be reserved for someone who has endured the excruciating pain (so I've heard) of childbirth followed by the life-long anxiety associated with being responsible for another HUMAN life.

Before you start throwing stones and accusing me of being heartless, let me be very clear.

I LOVE dogs! I mean, who doesn't?! Look at these faces! (then come back to my blog and finish reading this post!)

I am NOT saying that pets are any less valuable as a member of your family, nor am I saying that they aren't wholly deserving of your care and affection. What I AM saying is that a line must be drawn between loving your furry friend the appropriate amount, and becoming a creepy cat lady.

I think a safe rule of thumb is to spend HALF the amount of time and money on your pet than you would spend on yourself or your offspring.

Sadly, the inspiration for this post is a result of conversations I've had (or overheard) with people I actually know who are guilty of any or all of the following ludicrous pet care practices:

Feeding: The adjective "gourmet" should appear nowhere in your pets' menu. You should NOT be making special trips to the Amish Market to track down the organic kibble that you'd like to feed Fido. Waste your money on Fancy Feast rather than the store brand? Be my guest. Spend hours in the kitchen preparing both baked AND boiled chicken as an addition to your pups' meal? You're an idiot.

Accessorizing: Like gluing jewels to your crotch, there are certain things in life that are just unnecessary. Buying your pooch a diamond collar is very high on that list.

Grooming: On average I spend no more than $35 on my hair every 4 months. This is a 400% increase over my previous haircut budget when I would spend $8 (with a coupon) at SuperCuts. (Not kidding). You can imagine my utter disbelief when I walked past the Ritzy Canine Carriage House on 40th and 3rd, where it is advertised that the groomer uses "an assortment of luxurious pet salon products" and even offers "Pawdicures!"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me" seems like an understatement.

Lodging: If you think grooming your dog is out of control, just wait until you read about the options in kenneling. There is an actual place in San Francisco that markets itself as providing Feline Wishes and Caviar Dreams.


Pictured here is one of eight 6ft. x 6 ft. Palazzo suites on the second floor overlooking full height window wall for lots of sunlight to bask in. Each suite is provided with its own deluxe condo for hours of climbing, relaxing or snuggling.

Sounds eerily similar to description of my penthouse apartment. All I'm saying is that if I can stay at a Holiday Inn, so can my dog.


Exercising: This video speaks for itself....



Kinda puts a whole new spin on the concept of "doggy style" doesn't it?