a series of (un)fortunate (but hilarious) events

If we're being honest with each other, I am well aware that lately I whole-heartedly suck at blogging. I can't promise it's gonna get any better as the summer wraps up, but I'll certainly [pretend to] try. However, choosing not to blog this week would be like me declining an invitation to a free open bar.

Just.Not.Possible.

Let's kick this off with a frank discussion of Steven Slater. If you don't know who he is, I'd suggest you remove your head from your anal cavity and read a fucking newspaper.

Some laud him as a hero, others claim he's a psychopath, and his Mommy has already come to his defense (as most disillusioned mothers do when their child "suddenly" goes batshit crazy... way to ignore the warning signs, Mom.)

However, I must admit, for anyone who has ever worked in a customer service position, this guy is the tits! As a former waitress at IHOP (International House of Perverts), I've envisioned dozens of scenarios in which I serve an obnoxious customer his full-stack of pancakes alongside a solid kick to the grundle. And yes, I'm going to charge you extra for that.

The difference between myself and Mr. Slater, of course being, the element of self control.

While we're discussing individuals who temporarily suspend their ability to think before they act, check out the MickeyD's Maniac who lost her cool after being denied an order of McNuggets:



McNuggets... really?!? I might be able to understand a fit of rage over a White Castle Crave Case... but this was just over the top.

Additional things that are overrated... This week, ShakeShack has finally opened on 86th and Lex. In case you were wondering, yes, the line for the M86 Crosstown bus is shorter, moves faster and can get you to the far superior Five Napkin Burger in less time than you'd have to wait outside the Shack.

However, if you absolutely must know what all the hype is about, do yourself a favor and visit the Madison Square Park location instead. Make sure you check the ShackCam before you go to see just how long you'll be standing around waiting for your overpraised cheeseburger. And don't say I didn't warn you.

More information that makes me happy: Hard Knocks starts on HBO tonight featuring the NY Jets. Since I don't have (am too cheap to pay for) HBO I'll be making Boyfriend record the series. What I'm even more pumped about is the fact that the beginning of football season makes the end of summer significantly less brutal. This fall, I'll be co-managing a fantasy team while consuming buffalo wings and bud lights at an extraordinarily impressive pace for a female.

Speaking of maintaining my girlish figure, I've just signed up for a free month trial at New York Sports Club. It's been less than a week and I've already been painfully reminded of everything I loathe about physical exertion (at least the kind that doesn't result in an orgasm.) Of particular note is the misery associated with spin class. Not only is it the sweatiest 45 minutes of your day, but you actually have to actively volunteer for this torture by signing up 24 hours in advance.

Reason #428 being an adult sucks: grown ups ride stationary bikes to stay in shape, kids ride bikes to real destinations like ice cream shops and their neigbors' pools.

Oh yea, I'm also on Twitter. I'm sorta funny (sometimes) but don't have a lot of followers (just like I don't have a lot of blog readers.) If you have any interest in boosting my confidence pass on my blog and follow me @jhack215.

If not, you suck and so do your finger paintings.