With just two days left until Christmas morning, if you haven't finished (or started) your holiday shopping yet, well, quite honestly you're probably fucked. However, if you decide to brave the cold and battle the teeming masses of last minute morons like yourself, try to keep the following in mind:
DO: Make a list of exactly what you need and which stores you need it from. (It doesn't hurt to have a mapped out plan of attack to prevent you from wasting your oh-so-precious time.)
DO NOT: Wander aimlessly from store to store like a tourist in Times Square. Now is not the season for window shopping. I can assure you that doing this will increase your odds of getting punched in the face three fold.
DO: Have patience with old people and their walking devices. It probably took them a lot of effort to velcro their shoes, fasten their waterproof cap, and load their purse with caramel chews all in the name of finding the perfect gift for their grandkid. *Keep in mind that this will be you someday.* 
DO NOT: Bring your toddler, stroller, car seat, playpen, and beanie baby collection shopping with you. *This will probably be you someday too, but thanks to my blog you will know better than to be that mom with the unruly offspring and the aisle-blocking paraphernalia. Hire a babysistter.*
DO: Buy greeting cards, CDs, and DVDs at Walmart. It's not like these items are a of any different quality than their counterparts at Hallmark or BestBuy.
DO NOT even think about ordering from the Fantasy Gifts section of the Neiman Marcus catalog. Does anyone really need a $25,000 Cupcake Car or a pair of Swarovski Crystal headphones?? I can hear just as well with my gummy's, thank you very much.
DO: Keep your audience in mind when gift giving. (Just because your sister is sexually active doesn't mean you should stuff her stocking with a box of Trojans for Christmas morning with the family.)
DO NOT: Spend more money than you can afford right now. Assuming that you can use your next paycheck to cover your ridiculous credit card bill is not smart in an economy where you might get laid off before your next paycheck.
DO: Cut pictures out of magazines of the items you ordered online but did not arrive on time. Put them in thoughtful greeting cards with a note explaining the delay.
DO NOT: Promise someone that "their gift is on the way" when you know full well you haven't purchased anything for them. That's a seriously dick move, Scrooge.
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