Size (Apparently) Doesn't Matter

In case you were hoping this post would be about the irrelevancy of penis size during sex, it's not. (No matter how many rhyming euphemisms one creates, the fact remains that the motion of the ocean can rarely ever make up for an inadequate boat, sorry boys.)

I came across an article in the NY Post that really puts NYC apartment life in perspective (and simultaneously emphasizes the insanity of city dwellers.)

You can read the full-text here, but to save you the time, I've highlighted the most absurd things about this couple's choice in real estate (and added my own commentary).

"Zaarath and Christopher Prokop-- and their two cats-- live in the smallest apartment in the city, a 175-square-foot "microstudio" in Morningside Heights."

A microstudio? Is that even a real word?! Did they mean a microwave?? For fuck's sake, I've seen roomier fish tanks at restaurants. And I'm sure the two cats were a totally necessary addition to their jail-cell-like quarters. They do realize that Morningside Heights is just a fancy way of saying "just below Harlem," right?


"One of the kitchen cabinets is full of champagne because Zaarath's job allows them to order cases of it. A converted desk acts as a wine rack and minibar, helping to store the bottles that Christopher Prokop can buy at a discounted price because of his job as a distributor."

One of the kitchen cabinets AND the converted desk is full of booze because there's no possible way that two human beings would be able to tolerate each other in such confined quarters without being perpetually intoxicated. Hell, they even leave their clothes at various dry cleaners around the neighborhood to have more storage space for the alcohol. Seriously.

"It's like having a rent controlled apartment, we're going to own something in Manhattan in two years. How many people can say that?"

I'd rather own a refrigerator box in Chelsea... at least I'd be in a better neighborhood.

"I'm amazed we can fit two people and two cats in here, but it's harmonious at this point. I have friends who say they could never live with their husbands in a place this small. It's a good thing we like each other enough to live there."

Ah, the key words of course being "at this point." Let's check in with these love birds in 6 months. I'm sure at that point I'll be blogging about their follow up tale...."Tiny Apartment Drives Man to Eat Cats, Slay Wife."