Analyze This

About 6 months ago, I made the financial decision to sign up for a Discover Card. My thinking was simple, if I'm going to irresponsibly piss away my money anyway, why not get rewarded with some cashback? This rationale has not worked in my favor thus far. Do you know how much 1% really is?? Well Discover does, because it's essentially nothing. Recognizing this, they have another incentive for you to earn 5% cashback in specific categories throughout the year.

The March/April category was Home Improvement:
First of all, I don't own a home. I live in a 2 room studio apartment with one room serving as a kitchen/living room/dining room/home office (and when I say home office, I mean my laptop on my kitchen table). Anyway, certain aspects are still in need of improvement (specifically, the towel rack that broke during a rather rowdy Blackout Sunday last summer) so Discover Card in hand, I head out to Home Depot.

At the risk of sounding like a I don't appreciate the feminist movement, I think it's fair to say that as a female I have no business being in or around this store without my boyfriend or my father. Even the parking lot is intimidating with its pick-up trucks and bearded-beer-bellied men. Lowe's, I can handle, but Home Depot with their seemingly endless oversized aisles of 2 by 4's and sheetrock, not so much. I venture down what I deem a promising aisle, but quickly realize that I'm going to need some assistance. I asked for help from one of the miserable minimum wage employees who processed my request slower than my first computer dialed the Internet. Apparently "towel rack" loosely translated to "curtain rod" and there I stood in the wrong aisle... again. 30 minutes later, I found what I was looking for and I sprinted to the exit.

The excursion to Home Depot was immediately followed by a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond - which is one of the 5 stores I should not be allowed to shop at without supervision. My self-control plummets and I fall victim to every impulse purchase known to man. On this particular day (with the Discover Card mentality that I'd actually be earning money for every dollar I spent) I decided I was going to redecorate my entire bathroom and bedroom. After three hours of color coordinating I was finally ready to leave with my new shower curtain, liner, hooks, towels, bath mat, bedspread, quilt, sheet set, & extra pillow cases, in tow.

Two weeks later, Discover sends me an e-mail alert, "Your Statement is Ready"... Awesome! I'm pretty pumped to see how much money I've racked up with all my home improvement purchases. The result was more disappointing than the collapse of the 2007 Mets.

My cashback total was $12. My minimum payment was $15. Math is not one of my strengths, but I did not like the way this added up. Damn you Discover.

I've since come to learn that pathetic cashback bonus isn't even the most depressing feature of this credit card. What's worse, is their new "Spend Analyzer," which takes the liberty of creating colorful little pie charts out of your spending habits. I don't know about you but I am not usually a fan of having my flaws brought to my attention, and that's just what this "analyzer" does. My pie chart for May & June had me reconsidering my life choices (and probably has you wondering if I'm tipping the scale at 200+ pounds):

Food & Beverage

Needless to say, that's the first and last time I will be using the spend analyzer feature.

Let the reckless spending continue...