Cocktails & Co-Workers

The modern day workforce is unlike any in history. Today's corporate world sees four generations collaborating (or colliding as it may be.) In this environment, the opportunity will inevitably present itself for one to mingle with said diverse co-workers in a social setting - very likely over cocktails. Disaster ensues? Not if you keep reading...


If you're like me, you're low man on the totem pole and probably one of the youngest in your office. You get made fun of for your random references to Saved by the Bell, the fact that you graduated from high school after the millennium, and that you don't know anything about MASH. (Obviously the TV show, not the ridiculous game girls used to play in the schoolyard to determine who they were destined to marry and where they would live - Mansion?Apartment? Shack? House?) Worry not, you can still hang with the big boys in style.






1) Before the outing: find out where you'll be going and check out the place on line. If it's somewhere off your normal route, take note of the closest subways and map your way home in case you ignore all my advice and get completely hammered at dinner. Also, take a look at the menu. Have an idea of some of the appetizers/entrees that appeal to you so you can offer an intelligent suggestion on what to order.

2) Follow the leader: If a senior VP asks for a gin and tonic, it's not out of the question for you to order the same. What IS out of the question is for you to blurt out your standard "2 bud lights and a shot of tequila" like you would at an open bar at McFadden's.* Play it safe and order a glass of wine or a simple mixed drink. (If you're at a Mexican restaurant, opt for sangria over a margarita. I cannot stress strongly enough what a terrible idea tequila is... with or without co-workers).


*As an aside, if you happen to be a Buffalo Bills fan, or simply appreciate a solid SundayFunday, get to McFadden's during football season - $20 unlimited beer and all you can eat wings will have you singing for every Bills' touchdown, even if you're a Jets fan.

3) Trading war stories: I don't care if a 45 year old man with 3 children just admitted that he rips a bong every night before he goes to bed. Now is NOT the time to one-up him with tales of your recreational use of cocaine or anything you did on spring break. Keep in mind that what they did in the 70's happened in the distant past, whereas the horrible decisions you made in Vegas probably happened a year ago. Tell humorous but appropriate stories. If you don't have any, lie.


3) Pace yourself. Seriously. Treat this evening like a marathon not a sprint. It's O.K. to not order a fresh beverage every time the waiter comes around. This is not the last time you'll be asked. Again, follow the lead of a higher-up (unless he/she happens to be a degenerate alcoholic who polishes off 4 Jack on the rocks before the apps arrive - if that's the case, choose a different role model for the night.)



4) Stay Focused on the table: Keep your phone/blackberry in your purse or pocket. Don't check it every 5 minutes. It's incredibly rude and you're not that important (again, this is not exclusive to time with co-workers.)



5) Boss Bashing: While speaking ill of your douchenozzle boss is bound to happen at some point, please don't be the one to initiate. Participate in the conversation, but don't go overboard. "Ya, he drives me nuts when he breathes down my neck" is fine to say... whereas, "He's a completely incompetent jerkoff and should get hit by a bus," might be crossing the line.



6) Exit gracefully: If you've made it through dinner and paying the check without suggesting body shots, describing your last sexual encounter in vivid detail, and puking on yourself or anyone around you...put on your coat and run like hell.